FB:
When my #2 son was 4 years old he started showing signs of psychiatric problems. Something was bothering him, but he didn't know how to tell us what.
By the time he was 6 he had had episodes where:
- He would not spend a moment without a liquid in his mouth (putting his head under a faucet to fill his mouth WHILE we were refilling his cup)... he even tried going to sleep at night with a mouth full of liquid.
- One morning he ran out of the house into the street with his hands over his ears shouting MAKE IT STOP
By the time he was 9 he said he was sad because he knew he needed a new brain, but the doctors couldn't give him one.
He was 11 the first time his school called the police.
I don't tell you any of this because of some desire to "me too" in your time of troubles. I tell you this because ...
He's 29 years old now.
It is now 25 years since his first problems. Usually it's no sweat. Occasionally it's d@mned near impossible.
It has not been easy. We have had to make many decisions for things where there is no "users manual" to guide us, and there may be no do-overs if we get it wrong. There have been times when I didn't know if he would survive the week. But he's 29, and he's still alive.
My role in all of this has been ... to be his father. It was in the contract I signed when I took the job. So I do my job, as best I can.
So do you. The best you can. Don't shy away from that ... you need to know it.
If you ever get into a 12 step program (for whatever reason), they start or end almost every meeting with "the serenity prayer", which in their version goes:
- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
- Courage to change the things I can,
- and Wisdom to know the difference
As I understand it, the earliest printed version was*:
- Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.
So there are two possible points of emphasis -- either on the serenity to accept, or on the courage to change. Pick your favorite, but mull it over. Because in the years that come, you will need to have the strength to continue doing what you can, and the ability to let go of the things that are not yours to change, and it ain't always easy to do either, nor to figure out which is which.
Let's hope that 25 years from now you are talking about it like it was a research project ... a SUCCESSFUL research project.
Good luck. Stay healthy,
-Mark
* Yeah, like who would go off and research the history of such a thing, right?
