The fact that -you- care about them should help them get past it.
You need to make it clear to them that you care about them and want to help them. You need to get them to sit down and talk about what their mother has done.
I'm assuming that your wife doesn't want to talk right now but, if you do have a way - you should let her know what she's done to the kids...
I know, this puts more on you but, I know you can handle it better than most. You've been through a lot lately and your still holding on. There are many people in this world that would have fallen apart by now but, not you!
Tough times
Moderators: dnichols, GHQ, Mk 1
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StarCruiser
- E5
- Posts: 399
- Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2004 5:42 am
- Location: Houston, we have a problem...
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Begemot
- E5
- Posts: 242
- Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 12:11 am
Is this a hobby site or an agony column?
For guidance consider the following::
For guidance consider the following::
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
( https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/1921933/Mo ... de+of+Life )
The summer grasses.
For many brave warriors
The aftermath of dreams.
--- Basho
Please visit my website "Lair of the Begemot": (https://lairbegemot.blogspot.com)
For many brave warriors
The aftermath of dreams.
--- Basho
Please visit my website "Lair of the Begemot": (https://lairbegemot.blogspot.com)
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Cav Dog
- E5
- Posts: 893
- Joined: Wed Dec 29, 2004 1:12 am
So the same thing happened to a buddy of mine a couple of years ago. The guy is the best dad in the world and devotes his entire life to making sure their three kids have a great life. His wife decides the family life isn't for her so she divorces him to find herself.
Fast forward two years and the ex now has a new guy in her life and they are about to go on a cruise together. The day before they are scheduled to depart, he has a brain aneurysm while driving, crashes the car and dies. She wasn't in the car.
The kids didn't like him much anyway.
Fast forward two years and the ex now has a new guy in her life and they are about to go on a cruise together. The day before they are scheduled to depart, he has a brain aneurysm while driving, crashes the car and dies. She wasn't in the car.
The kids didn't like him much anyway.
Tactics are the opinion of the senior officer present.
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Mk 1
- E5
- Posts: 2383
- Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2004 3:21 am
- Location: Silicon Valley, CA
FB:
When my #2 son was 4 years old he started showing signs of psychiatric problems. Something was bothering him, but he didn't know how to tell us what.
By the time he was 6 he had had episodes where:
- He would not spend a moment without a liquid in his mouth (putting his head under a faucet to fill his mouth WHILE we were refilling his cup)... he even tried going to sleep at night with a mouth full of liquid.
- One morning he ran out of the house into the street with his hands over his ears shouting MAKE IT STOP
By the time he was 9 he said he was sad because he knew he needed a new brain, but the doctors couldn't give him one.
He was 11 the first time his school called the police.
I don't tell you any of this because of some desire to "me too" in your time of troubles. I tell you this because ...
He's 29 years old now.
It is now 25 years since his first problems. Usually it's no sweat. Occasionally it's d@mned near impossible.
It has not been easy. We have had to make many decisions for things where there is no "users manual" to guide us, and there may be no do-overs if we get it wrong. There have been times when I didn't know if he would survive the week. But he's 29, and he's still alive.
My role in all of this has been ... to be his father. It was in the contract I signed when I took the job. So I do my job, as best I can.
So do you. The best you can. Don't shy away from that ... you need to know it.
If you ever get into a 12 step program (for whatever reason), they start or end almost every meeting with "the serenity prayer", which in their version goes:
- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
- Courage to change the things I can,
- and Wisdom to know the difference
As I understand it, the earliest printed version was*:
- Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.
So there are two possible points of emphasis -- either on the serenity to accept, or on the courage to change. Pick your favorite, but mull it over. Because in the years that come, you will need to have the strength to continue doing what you can, and the ability to let go of the things that are not yours to change, and it ain't always easy to do either, nor to figure out which is which.
Let's hope that 25 years from now you are talking about it like it was a research project ... a SUCCESSFUL research project.
Good luck. Stay healthy,
-Mark
* Yeah, like who would go off and research the history of such a thing, right?
When my #2 son was 4 years old he started showing signs of psychiatric problems. Something was bothering him, but he didn't know how to tell us what.
By the time he was 6 he had had episodes where:
- He would not spend a moment without a liquid in his mouth (putting his head under a faucet to fill his mouth WHILE we were refilling his cup)... he even tried going to sleep at night with a mouth full of liquid.
- One morning he ran out of the house into the street with his hands over his ears shouting MAKE IT STOP
By the time he was 9 he said he was sad because he knew he needed a new brain, but the doctors couldn't give him one.
He was 11 the first time his school called the police.
I don't tell you any of this because of some desire to "me too" in your time of troubles. I tell you this because ...
He's 29 years old now.
It is now 25 years since his first problems. Usually it's no sweat. Occasionally it's d@mned near impossible.
It has not been easy. We have had to make many decisions for things where there is no "users manual" to guide us, and there may be no do-overs if we get it wrong. There have been times when I didn't know if he would survive the week. But he's 29, and he's still alive.
My role in all of this has been ... to be his father. It was in the contract I signed when I took the job. So I do my job, as best I can.
So do you. The best you can. Don't shy away from that ... you need to know it.
If you ever get into a 12 step program (for whatever reason), they start or end almost every meeting with "the serenity prayer", which in their version goes:
- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
- Courage to change the things I can,
- and Wisdom to know the difference
As I understand it, the earliest printed version was*:
- Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.
So there are two possible points of emphasis -- either on the serenity to accept, or on the courage to change. Pick your favorite, but mull it over. Because in the years that come, you will need to have the strength to continue doing what you can, and the ability to let go of the things that are not yours to change, and it ain't always easy to do either, nor to figure out which is which.
Let's hope that 25 years from now you are talking about it like it was a research project ... a SUCCESSFUL research project.
Good luck. Stay healthy,
-Mark
* Yeah, like who would go off and research the history of such a thing, right?
-Mark 1
Difficile est, saturam non scribere.
"It is hard NOT to write satire." - Decimus Iunius Juvenalis, 1st Century AD
Difficile est, saturam non scribere.
"It is hard NOT to write satire." - Decimus Iunius Juvenalis, 1st Century AD
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StarCruiser
- E5
- Posts: 399
- Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2004 5:42 am
- Location: Houston, we have a problem...
Same wacky stuff goin' on over here in Tejas...
I was starting to wonder if people were eating TP?!?
I was starting to wonder if people were eating TP?!?
"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of java that the thoughts acquire speed. The hands acquire the shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion." - Programmer's Mantra